August 5, 2011
Des Moines, IA
Crazy Joe Mclosky is polling 12 points behind Incumbent Barack Obama in the latest Iowa straw poll. Mclosky is fast becoming known across Iowa as a shrewd negotiator. Said a local Des Moinian, "I went to Crazy Joe's just to look at a car for my daughter, I ended up buying three used Dodge Darts and a jet ski motor."
According to a USA Today poll of democratic voters, the thing they look most for in a candidate is "ability to negotiate" followed closely by "Wanting to share a Martini with him/her/it."
When reached for comment, Crazy Joe instead made me an offer on a timeshare in Boca Raton I just couldn't pass up. If you're wondering what qualifies Crazy Joe to be president, well, just look at this brochure. Boca Raton looks so nice. I bet the women there are freaky but in a classy way. No more handjobs on a subway for this reporter.