Entire Crowd at Arrowhead Stadium Tears ACL

September 19, 2011

The Surgeon calls his scalpel a Tomahawk Chop

"I was just trying to beat the traffic," Joe Beterman said while riding the cart to the locker room. Early in the third quarter of the Chiefs latest loss, this one 65-2, the fans at Arrowhead charged for the exits. The rush of flailing knees holding up ballooning beer bellies was too much for the concrete parking lot to handle.

"First Moeaki, then Berry, then Charles," said die-hard fan Michael Seevers, "I figured Cassel would tear his ACL next, but then again, that would probably have made the team better. At this point, the fans were the best thing we had going." The Chiefs fans have been placed on IR and will be facing 6-9 months of recovery and rehab.

"We're looking at alternatives to fill that position," GM Scott Pioli said on Monday, "We'll check the waiver wire, look perhaps to trade." As of Monday evening, Adam Schefter of ESPN is reporting that the Chiefs have made a waiver claim for the fans of the Indianapolis Colts in the wake of Manning-Neck-Gate.

They're too poor to afford jerseys.
Or tickets. 

"It'll never work," Peyton Manning said when reached for comment, "Those fans jumped ship within two games of me missing time. They haven't missed the playoffs in 9 years. You think they'll stick around to root for Matt Cassel?

Of course, the NFL isn't all cutthroat. The Jacksonville Jaguars and Tampa Bay Buccaneers have donated some of their fans to the Chiefs. "We just wanted to help out any way we could," said unemployed Jaguars fan, David Garrard.

The Chiefs do have a few things to look forward to. With their home field advantage undergoing arthroscopic surgery, and three of their best players out for the year, they do have quite a shot at landing the 1st overall pick. So when they start playing next year in Los Angeles, it should be smooth sailing from there.

Arrowhead 2.0